Enchantment
by bonacbabe
Summary: Remus's assignment is mysterious but bearable because of Hermione! yay spoof! AU and OOC-just a warning
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer :I do not own Harry Potter but the story line/plot here is my own. Although I do wish I owned Percy Weasley but that's a completely different story.

!Warning! OOTP spoilers! And some (Yiddish and British) bad slang words and some inappropriate references. Hence PG-13 rating just in case.

'I want a girl   
With a mind like a diamond  
I want a girl   
Who knows what's best 

I want a girl   
With shoes that cut  
And eyes that burn   
Like cigarettes 

I want a girl   
With the right allocations  
Who's fast and thorough  
And sharp as a tack 

She's playing with her jewelry  
She's putting up her hair  
She's touring the facility  
And picking up slack'

            Hermione Granger, now 19, switches off the radio she stole away into the ancient house of the Black family. It was no longer safe living with her family, they had to move and her job brought her to the Order. She was the assistant to the Minister of Magic, and an infiltrator in the Ministry.

            "Granger? Is that you?" A familiar drawl came out of a rather tall man standing in the doorway. She had been sitting in the drawing room, in the dark, and listening to music.

            "Yes it is Professor, come in, come in" She sighed and reached over to relight the magic candle at her side. The candle illuminated the entire room and the man remained in the doorway, his greasy long black hair borders his sickly pale face.

            "No thank you I was just checking to see if your job was coming along all right" There was a challenge in his voice and she wasn't in the mood to argue. She had been assistant to Cornelius Fudge for a day when a stray death eater assassinated him and now, her first week with the new Minister has passed and she is forced to bite her tongue each time he says something about his family, which she loves.

            If you haven't already guessed it the new Minister is indeed Percival Weasley, or as Ron calls him 'Traitor'. He is convinced the Hermione isn't even implicated with the Order, and that's how it needed to stay.

            "Yes it is Professor, and how's Pettigrew treating you these days?" She snapped back at him. Snape became Peter Pettigrew's lap dog and Hermione exulted when some of the other members of the Order made little cracks about it, and she was one of them.

            The Professor turned on his heels and stalked out of the room and she kept a straight face until he was well away and then started cracking up. She made her way down into the kitchen pushing in the door with one hand and wiping away the tears with the other to see an empty bottle of cider on the table and figure hunched over in a chair by the fire. She quickly sobered and slowly started to back out of the room.

            "Wanna piece of me you …you…Wally!" The man's body jolted, he was clearly asleep. After living in the Black house for near a year she knew that approximately one week before the full moon Remus Lupin had this same dream.

"Must be full moon next week…" She mutters to herself as she starts to drapes a blanket over him and he jerks awake seizing her wrists.

"O sorry Hermione" He lets go and sits back in the chair rubbing his eyes. "…What time is it?"

            She had slightly drawn back when her grabbed hold of her but now she sits on an ottoman in front of him. " 11:30" The man groaned slightly "…Are you all right Professor?" 

"Just dandy Hermione…need I request of you again to call me Remus?" If you were watching close enough a smile light his eyes briefly but then returned to normal.

"Of course Pro…I mean Remus…err…" She wasn't exactly sure how to phrase the next question as she only asked her female friends "…is it that time of the month Remus? Judging by the dream you were having it should be in a week."

"Quite right Hermione-." He was interrupted. Molly Weasley bursted into the doorway and shoed them out.

"Shoo shoo! We'll have no more of this late night conversations hear me? You Remus J Lupin need your sleep and you Hermione Eve Granger have to be at the Ministry at 6 tomorrow! Now up to bed, both of you!"

As Remus and Hermione headed up the stairs Remus whispered to Hermione "How is it that woman can still boss us around?" And as Hermione opened her bedroom door she whispered back "This is Molly Weasley we're talking about" and went inside leaving Remus grinned to himself as he headed down the second floor hallway to his own room. 

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Be honest…how did you like it? I know it's a bit of a dry beginning but I have to explain the goings on. Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer-Look in the first Chapter. There is a political joke in here and I am merely expressing my own views not those of this site or JK Rowling. 

Thanks for the reviews

Toomanycurls- And I'm sure you know quite well the answer to your inquiry. 

Bell-You'll see…I just need to work out some details at first.

MiniTeija-thanks!

Atiannala- thanks! Erm…do I know you?

Vampiress Adora- thanks! Love the the 3, 3,4 ,3 pattern!

Civetta5- thankies!!

"…You can't always get what you want…you can't always get what you want…but if you try some times you just might find, you get what you need…awww…yeah…I saw her to-." Hermione looked up when she heard someone laughing. She had been singing to herself and it was none other then Ron Weasley. Ron was rather taller now and married to a muggle, his father was ecstatic about that union.

"Hermione Granger." Ron said rather sarcastically. 

"Ronald Weasley." She answered back and they laughed and talked together for a while until Hermione looks down at her watch.

 "Damn! I'm going to be late. It was so good to see you Ron!" And with that she rushed outside the front door and behind a tree. She apparated to the crowded atrium. She filled into the elevator with a few people she recognized. As they went down she got a bit anxious, there was to be a trial today in which a member of the Order was being tried. Severus Snape was caught making dealings with a notorious Death Eater and was being tried for possession of many illegal substances (no, not cocaine*sniff*).

            Hermione slide out of the elevator and walked down the familiar corridor leading to a series of rooms she'll never forget. She turned and ran straight into Lucius Malfoy, she braced herself.

"What are *_you*_ doing here, Ms. Granger?" Lucius sneered.

"_I_ happen to be working for the Minister and on my way to a trial, which I'm sure you know all about." She was still furious that he was let out of Azkaban little less then a few months after her 5th year.

"What are you getting at Ms. Granger? I don't have time to be associating with mud bloods, must be off." And with that Lucius stalked off towards the elevator.

"Sod…"She mutters under her breath as she walks into the very court room Harry had been tried in. She sits down beside the long table and sets up her quill and extremely long roll of parchment.

"Good morning Hermione. Odd isn't it?" Percy Weasley had come in and was standing beside her chair. "We're the ones judging a former Professor of ours for something completely unlike him."

"Yes, odd." She never liked talking too much with him so she stuck to short and direct sentences. And as he was about to continue he looked down at his watch and ran back up to his seat after giving Hermione a light squeeze on the shoulder to tell her it was time. Snape walked in escorted by a guard. Hermione wrote furiously while secretly recording the entire trial on a muggle tape recorder to replay at the Order's next meeting.

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"Well then we know what we have to do." Albus Dumbledore removed his glasses and rubbed his temples. The Order had just finished discussing the tape from the trial.

"Once again I'm sorry Albus, I didn't mean to cause so much trouble." Snape mutters as he folds his hands in his lap over and over again.

         The old man then turns to Remus who was sitting at his right. "The arrangements will be made by tomorrow, be ready to leave and we will talk later. You too Hermione."

       Remus and Hermione looked at Albus incredulously and when Dumbledore and the other members left Remus and Hermione speculated what he meant.

"Well this is Dumbledore we're talking about, who knows?" Remus mumbled at Albus reentered the room with two large suitcases, and a manila folder. He set them down and sat across from Remus and Hermione at the kitchen table.

"Tomorrow a Mr. And Mrs. O' Roark will be moving into 12 Chapel Lane, Surrey."

"And what does this have to do with us?" Hermione hated Albus' word games.

"You two are Mr. and Mrs. O' Roark and will be moving to 12 Chapel Lane in Surrey tomorrow." Albus somehow always managed to keep a light air about him as if nothing like this was too serious.

"But…but what about Percy and the Ministry?" Hermione remained fixed on Albus not even noticing Remus grinning at the old man.

"All is taken care of Hermione, you will quit tomorrow morning and return here immediately. After your return you two will ride the train to a station only two blocks down from your new home. Mr. O' Roark you will be pretending that you are an author and you Mrs. O' Roark will be a homemaker. I trust you two to keep a low profile, I will drop in on you following afternoon with further instructions. Good evening and I will see you on Friday." Albus stood and left leaving Hermione staring in his wake and Remus stifling laughter.

"And what's so funny *Mr. O' Roark*?" Hermione demanded of Remus.

"Trust me, this is most like Albus don't look so surprised *Mrs. O' Roark*." Remus chortled a bit until Hermione's hardened look softened and she went up to her room to pack the few items she owned.

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            The morning wasn't at all what Hermione had expected; Percy had been completely understanding but very upset to see her leave. Remus had all four bags by the front door when Hermione returned from the Ministry. He dressed in a black bowler hat, a suit, and a long tan overcoat. Hermione dresses in a blue knee length skirt and white blouse wearing a black overcoat and laughed at their reflections standing side by side.

"The finishing touches" Remus slipped a solid gold band onto his left ring finger and Hermione did the same. 

           At King Cross station they were met by Mad Eye to see them to the house. His own bowler hat covering his wandering eye. He was scowling at most muggles and would duck behind a pillar occasionally. 

           They boarded the train and read silently as the countryside flew by their window. Hermione, the muggle press. Remus, the rival muggle press. And Mad Eye, reading a book with his good eye and watching the movement outside in the hall with his magical eye.

            "That George Bush is a real sod…" Remus very plainly stated which caused a heated discussion between himself and Hermione; both coming to the conclusion that another Republican president could be fatal. Moody keeping his good eye on the two in muttering what sounded like curses under his breath. The train halted and they walked the remainder of the way. Finally they stopped in front of a quaint two story, mahogany coloured wooden house with window boxes, a surrounding hedgerow, and white window frames and a white door.        

"And this is where I leave you two, now remember, Mr. And Mrs. Remus O' Roark, we will contact you shortly. Good day." And with that Mad Eye bowed and stepped into the shadows and with a pop was gone.  

"Shall we?" Hermione took his arm and they stepped into the entrance hall. A coat rack to the right of the door way and on the opposite wall a little side table with a bouquet of flowers and a mirror just above it; the floor was all wood aside from a rug in front of the door, stairs were at the end of the hall beside a door way leading into the kitchen, there was another door beside the coat rack leading to the dinning room and another door next to the side table leading into the den/living room. Throughout the house were beautiful paintings and pictures of fake relatives with name plaques underneath. 

"It…it's beautiful." Hermione was left speechless as she explored the cozy den, modern kitchen, elegant dining room, and half-bathroom. She started up the steps which lead to a landing and on either side was a door. One door lead to a spacious master bedroom with a king size bed and a intense blue colour theme with another two doors on either side one leading to a private study and the other a large bathroom. The second door leads to a small guest room with a 'deep purple' colour theme.

"Didn't miss a thing did they?" Remus came to stand beside Hermione, his coat casually resting over his right forearm and his hat already resting on the coat rack along with Hermione's coat.

"No…they didn't" Hermione shook out of her thoughts and went into the kitchen rather swiftly. Remus chuckled as she called up "Dinner will be ready in an hour sweetie darling"

"All right darling" Remus called as he brought the bags upstairs and put them into the master bedroom unpacking his own things and picking up a book from his study and thumbing through it.

TBC

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Sorry for all of the description, I'm still working on setting the atmosphere. PLEASE NO FLAMES FOR MY BUSH REMARK!

By the by, Deep Purple is a band.


	3. Chapter 3

Welcome my friends to the show that never ends we're so glad you could attend come inside come inside.

Disclaimer-see Chapter one

***Pop*** and with that a very respectable wizard apparated into the living room.

"Welcome Professor!" Hermione stood and walked over to him offering him a seat to sit down. He was starting to finally look his age. Remus skidded to a halt in the hall outside and tried best he could to walk in the room calmly. He and Hermione had been up most of the night coming up with why they were here. Sure the house was nice and all but it was still rather odd.

"Thank you Hermione. Good morning Remus. Please sit down." And with that Dumbledore got into his classic lecture mode; intent face, exaggerated gesticulations, and yet an extremely reassuring ease about the way he talked of things too horrible to imagine as if they were nothing. 

"Good morning Albus" Remus sat down near Hermione across from Dumbledore.

"As you are aware Lord Voldemort is still at large despite the fact we've captured many of his loyal Death Eaters. Your assignment is very complicated, but I can't risk revealing too much at this time. You two are muggles remember that. You are not connected to the floo powder network, nor is this address capable of receiving owls for your own safety. Try your best to maintain seeming normality.

Severus Snape informed us of a plot to try and get Remus Lupin on their side, and to kill Harry Potter's best friend Hermione Granger. No one except for myself knows that you are here. I will be here once a week to bring any messages. Everyone thinks you are on a mission in America. You two need to stay as low-key as possible, be the friendly stereotypical neighbors but do be careful. That is all I can reveal at the moment. I must go now before I am missed. Good day" and with another ***pop*** Dumbledore was gone.

"Well…how do you speak mugglish?" Hermione rolled her eyes, typical Remus to try and make light of a serious situation.

"Oh do shut up Remus, this truly isn't a laughing matter." Remus grinned, typical Hermione. "We are both being hunted by Death Eaters, how can you manage to make light of this situation?"

"One of us has to have a sense of humor." Remus shrugged his shoulders and as he stood the doorbell chimed. "I'll get that."

As soon as Remus opened the door a short, stout woman stepped into the hallway introducing herself as Mrs. Miller and practically telling the entire history of the block's families. Hermione came to stand beside Remus and Mrs. Miller started talking even more. 'Does this woman ever shut up?' Remus began to think but Hermione invited the woman in for some tea and they moved to the living room.

"Yes, we moved here from London. Needed a change of pace for Remus' writing." And with that Hermione became almost as bad as Mrs. Miller. Half an hour later Mrs. Miller left and Remus sighed in relief when he plopped down at the kitchen table.

"She's a nice lady. Her husband is a surveyor and she is a librarian with three daughters, Anne, Ryder, and Eve." Hermione said as she started preparing for supper.

"That's nice…what's with all the food?" Remus arched an eyebrow quizzically at Hermione.

"Mr. and Mrs. Miller are coming over for supper this evening at 6 o'clock sharp." And with that Hermione bustled out of the kitchen and started setting the dinning room table for four leaving Remus to digest the information Hermione just spit out.

He moaned. "Hermione. You are amazing. Second day in this neighbor hood and already you're having dinner with the neighbor hood's yenta."

Hermione smiled " What can I say? I'm being the stereotypical housewife!"

Remus sighed and shook his head. There was no changing Hermione's mind when she set it to something. She was just trying to get through this odd assignment as much as he was. 'As if this assignment isn't weird enough, Hermione is rebuilding that brick wall that took seven years to tear down.' He sighed again and walked outside with a book. It was cloudy and still. He sat down and began to read.

The supper was ready and keeping warm as Hermione got ready. She was dressed in bobby socks, just above the knee dark blue skirt and a crisp white blouse with pearls, and her hair half up allowing her curls to cascade over her shoulders. She laughed at herself when she caught a glimpse in a pot on the stove. 

"When did you become your biggest trepidation Hermione? A housewife trapped within the four walls of her house." But then she thought about what she was truly doing there, of course she was still in the dark about it but she is a witch, she is young, she is intelligent, so what was she doing here? The fake wife to a man old enough to be her father, a young father but still. Completely shut out from the wizarding world and her muggle family. It's enough to make her go crazy. And here she was masquerading as the humble little housewife when she should be out looking for Harry. He had gone missing and she should be out there looking for him and protecting him.

The doorbell sang out the tune 'Hail to the Queen' and Remus hopped down the stairs quietly. Just as Hermione's hand reached for the door, Remus slide his own hand in and opened it causing Hermione to jump back into him.  Hermione quickly regained her composure.

"Hope we aren't interuptin' anathing Mrs. O' Roark." Mrs. Miller smiled and Hermione stepped to the side out of Remus' hold.

"Of course not Mrs. Miller, and please do call me Hermione. Remus, if you could please show them to the dinning room I'll be with you all shortly." Hermione sped down the hallway and entered the kitchen trying to calm herself down. As soon as her heart had stopped fluttering she started bringing the food into the dining room.  Remus was up in a heartbeat helping.  Supper began.

"Mr. Miller-" Remus was interrupted.

"Please, call me Timothy" He spoke kindly. He was slightly balding, round and strong.

"Alright. Timothy, did you hear about that Manchester United game…" And with that the men were in a conversation about sports. Hermione smiled 'Remus' did his reading.'

"Hermione, the women of the block have a book club meetin' every Sunday night. It'd be lovely if you could join us." Mrs. Miller smiled.

"I'd love to! But of course I'll need to speak with Remus. Thank you for the invitation Mrs. Miller."

"O do call me Deborah." Deborah smiled and they women began talking about books.

"Lovely meal Hermione" Timothy raised his cup. And they toasted to the new neighbors, health, and 'love'.

Hermione and Deborah did the dishes in the kitchen while Remus and Timothy started a fire in the den. Once everyone was settled in the den with their cup of tea Timothy spoke.

"That man gives me the willies. Never 'round 'n he never stays long. Al'aes shootin' dirty looks at everyone. Dodgey fellow."

"I do agree." Deborah chimed in. Remus and Hermione were interested.

"What's this man look like?" Remus inquired innocently.

"Greesy jet black hair, rather sallow, slender and strong. Very dodgy indeed, al'aes wearin' cloaks when I seen 'im." Timothy answered. Hermione and Remus thought the same thing, 'Snape?'

"And do you happen to know his name?" Hermione asked hiding her excitement.

"Why yes it's….S…Severus-odd name..Snake? No, no, no Snape. Severus Snape." Hermione's and Remus' mouths dropped simultaneously and both regained their composure quickly. "Do you know 'im?" 

"No, just gave me the chills that's all." Hermione smiled to reassure Deborah while Remus found out the address from Timothy.

After the Miller's left Remus and Hermione sat there a moment thinking, neither speaking. Finally Remus began laughing and soon Hermione had joined him.

"Snape!..L-livin' wit…muggles!?!" Remus spluttered out. Hermione hit him lightly. "Sorry Hermione, it is Slimy Snape we're talking about. Er. I ment Severus."

Hermione got up shaking her head. She went to the backyard. According to Timothy, Snape lived just next door at 13. She saw a silhouette at the window, which indeed looked like Snape's crooked nose and slim figure. It moved towards the window and flung it open. Hermione was behind a pillar peeking. An owl flew in the window. Hermione gasped.

TBC

Yay! Slight cliffhanger!!


End file.
